Episode 1.02 transcript - “PickPocket”
[MUSIC: Windfall Theme plays]
[SFX - Someone rustles through the glass vials in Helina’s tent.]
CUSTOMER #1: Mmm, smell’s wonderful. Shopkeep… Shopkeep! May I inquire about the contents of this vial?
HELINA: (sarcastic) Of course, ma'am. What would you like to know?
CUSTOMER #1: This one here, it smells lovely.
[SFX - Customer walks toward the desk and sets down a glass.]
CUSTOMER #1: How much are you asking?
HELINA: Wouldn't you like to know what it does first? It's actually quite a powerful tincture. Those bits of blues and greens you see are from the...
CUSTOMER #1: That isn't necessary. How much is it?
[SFX - Helina punches numbers into a calculator.]
HELINA: After taxes, that comes out to 238 credits.
CUSTOMER #1: 200 credits for this tiny bottle of perfume? I'm sorry, that's outrageous.
HELINA: Well, you see, it's not actually a perfume...
CUSTOMER #1: It doesn't matter what it's supposed to be. If I want to use it as a perfume or a body oil that should be good enough for you. What do you care what happens with it?
HELINA: I think that it could be a real benefit to know the traditional use of this particular blend of extracts. It was harvested near my home in the West...
CUSTOMER #1: I'll give you 150 credits, cash. That's my offer, and you won't do better.
HELINA: Get out.
CUSTOMER #1: (shocked) Excuse me?
HELINA: Can't you read?
CUSTOMER #1: (offended) Of course, I can read. What kind of a question is that?
HELINA: (tapping a wooden sign behind her) No haggling, right behind me.
CUSTOMER #1: But, I don't have the full 238... I could go as high as 200.
HELINA: I'll give it to you for 200, but only if you promise to never come back here again.
[MUSIC - Electronic music creeps under the conversation.]
CUSTOMER #1: (satisfied) It's a deal.
HELINA: Hand it over.
[SFX - Helina continues to use the calculator. Footsteps approach, Sylvie laughs, removes her helmet.]
SYLVIE: Making new friends, Helina?
HELINA: (sheepish) You heard that, Sylvie? 200 credits for some perfume.
SYLVIE: And what was it really?
HELINA: (amused, chuckling) A potent mixture used in the Western Reaches as a sedative. We used it exclusively on livestock. Oh, why, it's strong enough to knock someone her size out for at least 6 hours.
[SFX - They both laugh.]
SYLVIE: I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
HELINA: Are you gonna arrest me? For the life of me I'll never understand how my best friend in this city is a member of the Wolfpac.
SYLVIE: We're not all bad.
[MUSIC - Transition music comes to a conclusion, ending the scene.]
[SFX - There’s an electric whirring underneath the conversation, as well as tools being moved around, and cupboards being opened/closed.]
SHAIMA: Vern, relax. I told you I could get to that.
VERNON: (agitated) Just because I'm old don't mean I'm useless, kid. Client asked for this by tomorrow and you're still over there working on the percolator order from last week.
SHAIMA: I know, but this is 98 percent finished and what you're doing would only take me an hour or two.
VERNON: So what would you have me do?
SHAIMA: I can think of a million things... call around to a few of our old regulars and see if there's anything they're looking to have scrapped or retrofitted, Count what little we have left in our reserves and try to figure out how much longer we can keep the lights on.
VERNON: I've had this shop open since before you were outta diapers and nothing's gonna close it until a hundred years after I'm dead.
SHAIMA: I'm not so sure about that.
[SFX - The sound of a saw starting, before something is knocked over, and clatters on the ground.]
VERNON: Wanda dammit!
SHAIMA: I told you to slow down.
VERNON: Would you stop mothering me, Shaima? Wanda, I swear you're exactly like yer Aunt. Pestering me like she always did.
[SFX - The bell on the door chimes and two sets of footsteps approach.]
VERNON: Did Mrs. K get her package without the two of you biting each other's heads off?
ARGUS: Sure did.
SHAIMA: Was she able to pay?
VERNON: Boy, are you ever subtle, Shaima.
ARGUS: She was able to give us three-quarters today. Promised me she'd have the last bit in two weeks.
SHAIMA: And you actually left the comm filter with her before she paid in full?
CAS: I tried telling her no, not until we were paid, but this one over here was so eager to please that...
SHAIMA: (interrupting him) How many times have I told you that we don't accept IOU's, Argus?
VERNON: She's been coming round my shop with repairs for a decade, Shaima. She's good for it.
ARGUS: Yeah, Shaima. She went to school with Dad. Hell, I was ready to tell her that the rest of the bill was on me.
CAS: Regular softy this one. I wouldn't have any of that, told her if the payment wasn't ready by next week that I'd need collateral.
SHAIMA: Argus, I don't know if you've looked around much lately but nobody can afford to get by on IOU's anymore.
VERNON: Says who? I've been getting around on good faith my whole life!
SHAIMA: With all the tax hikes that come with Contact Day Festival every year, we're barely scraping by as it is.
[SFX - Vern throws something onto the ground, growling.]
ARGUS: Uncle Vern?
CAS: What the hell was that?
VERNON: Wanda damn festival. The fact that we're still paying more taxes, year after year, so them nosebleeds can worship their cloud princess is beyond me.
SHAIMA: We don't have the time or money to be complaining about this nonsense.
[SFX - Shaima approaches and picks up what is broken.]
SHAIMA: And look what you did! I'll have to start this over from scratch now.
VERNON: Now it's time for you to relax, Shaima.
[SFX - Shaima groans.]
ARGUS: Contact Day isn't that bad, is it? Things are at least a little busier for everyone this time of year.
CAS: (aggressive) Shut your mouth, you little shit. You have no idea what you're talking about.
VERNON: (pleading) Could you two please try to act like the brothers that you are? Just once!
SHAIMA: (sighing) Take the rest of the day off, Vern. I'll handle this like I handle everything else.
VERNON: Be my guest, I've got other things to worry about anyways.
[SFX - Vern walks off and slams the door behind him.]
ARGUS: What was that about?
CAS: Everything okay around here?
SHAIMA: Everything is fine, boys. You know Vern hates it when I try to pick up any of his slack.
ARGUS: I mean, he’s getting a lot older. Have you talked to him about the three of us taking over?
CAS: We'd get a lot more done without him being around, to be honest.
SHAIMA: No, he'd never go for that. You two take care of delivery and let me worry about the rest.
ARGUS: Sure thing.
SHAIMA: And while you're at it stop by a few of the regular spots to see if any of the nosebleeds dropped anything good down here again.
CAS: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Their trash is our treasure and all that.
SHAIMA: Mhm. And Argus? I'm sorry if I sound harsh it's just...
ARGUS: Shaima, don't worry about it. We'll catch you later.
SHAIMA: Alright, I’ll see you two at Gertie's for a drink?
CAS: Of course. First round's on short stuff.
CAS: You're good for it, chump.
[MUSIC - Dancey electronic music begins and plays throughout the scene.]
[SFX - A sewing machine beeps before running intermittently as Pavlima mutters to herself. A communicator rings, interrupting her flow.]
PAV: (grumbling) Fuck.
[SFX - The sewing machine continues while the communicator keeps ringing.]
PAV: Wanda be damned.
[SFX - The sewing machines stops as Pavlima moves to answer the communicator.]
PAV: (annoyed) What?
ROOT: (shouting) Good evening, Pavlima.
PAV: Yes, Root, what do you want?
ROOT: Simply checking on the robes. Where are we on this order?
PAV: They'd be coming a whole hell of a lot faster if I didn't have to answer a phone every twenty minutes.
ROOT: It can't be helped. Wanda needs an update.
PAV: And why exactly isn't our venerable Queen calling me herself?
ROOT: That's some awfully loud music you have on. Might I suggest turning it down?
PAV: (indignant) I'll turn the music down when Wanda calls.
ROOT: Yes, well, if you have good news for me that might happen sooner. How many robes are finished?
PAV: Mmm… three.
ROOT: Three? Pavlima, that certainly won't do. This order needed to be done yesterday. I'm doing my best to be patient, but I'm concerned about your ability to produce at the level we require.
PAV: But Root, these robes are perfect.
ROOT: What good does perfect do us if we don't actually have them? Perhaps you can try to be a little less perfect and a little more… efficient.
PAV: You know I can't do that. Wanda hired me above everyone else for a reason. This is how she wants the robes made.
ROOT: I'm sending a new recruit up for a fitting.
PAV: (intrigued) New blood? Why a fitting already?
ROOT: The Contact Festival is in six weeks and we're getting ready for a large influx of customers. We need 23 new recruits robed up and ready to go before that happens.
PAV: That's impossible.
ROOT: I don't remember asking for your opinion. You will get it done.
[SFX - The communicator line cuts and Pav lets out an exasperated groan. The sewing machine starts back up. The doorbell buzzes.]
KENDALL: New recruit Kendall reporting for robe fitting.
PAV: Sure, come in.
[SFX - The door buzzes again before it opens and footsteps approach.]
KENDALL: You must be Ms. Pavlima?
PAV: Stand over by the window.
[SFX - The sewing machines stops and Pav fiddles with various objects around the room as she stomps toward Kendall.]
KENDALL: Here, let me get that for you...
PAV: Don't bother. It can stay where it is.
KENDALL: It's really not a problem.
PAV: I said, leave it. And while you're at it, disrobe.
[SFX - A belt buckle sounds as Kendall takes her clothes off.]
PAV: (amused) You really are one of the Wolves. Didn't even question that order at all?
KENDALL: Did I not need to take my pants off?
PAV: (chuckling) I'm only commenting on your willingness to please. It seems to be a running trait with the latest batch of new recruits.
KENDALL: I can't speak for the others, but as for myself, I'll do just about anything to get off the ground. Now, should I put my pants back on, or are you gonna keep sizing me up?
PAV: Hmm, I seem to have found one with a tongue. I like that.
[SFX - The music begins to fade as Pav rolls a chair over to Kendall. She pulls something tight around her, which makes her wince.]
[SFX - The general din of a bar enters, as quarters are thrown into an empty glass.]
CAS: (laughing) Haha yeah, score! You owe me another drink.
BAR PATRON: Ugh, Gert, can we get another round?
GERT: Of course.
[SFX - A beer is poured and footsteps approach.]
GERT: You want another drink, Argus?
[SFX - Another beer is poured and set on the counter.]
BAR PATRON: Thank you.
ARGUS: Auntie, can I ask you a question?
GERT: (POURING) Sure thing, kid.
ARGUS: (pensive) Are you happy here? Don't you ever get sick of this place?
[SFX - Cas continues to chuckle in the background as another game of quarters begins.]
GERT: Not at all! This is my home. Why do you ask?
ARGUS: Well, I was thinking about Vern and how he's had that shop since before mom and dad passed. But you, you were halfway around the world when it happened.
GERT: And… what's your point?
ARGUS: You two gave up your whole lives, really. I mean, you gave up a lot to look after us.
GERT: That's not true at all, Argus.
ARGUS: But really, if it weren't for us, would you have come back here? Would you have taken over this bar?
GERT: (sighing) There's no point in thinking about that now.
ARGUS: After you and Vern split up, you got to go out exploring and now you're stuck here helping us out. I... I wouldn't want you to resent us.
[MUSIC - Quiet, calm music plays.]
GERT: Shhh, Argus, never you mind that. I've had my fill of adventures. Us sticking together is more important than any of that.
ARGUS: Okay... if you're sure.
GERT: Of course, I'm sure. How's Uncle Vernon doing today?
ARGUS: Why do you ask?
GERT: I, uh, haven't been able to stop by the shop in a while and it gets lonely upstairs without any of you around. Listen, I know he's not my biggest fan but... I miss him.
ARGUS: I know, Gert... It's hard for us, is all. We haven't been back there since, well, since Dad was around.
GERT: It's fine, Argus. I wasn't trying to guilt you. I'm only curious how the family is. You know, this bar guarantees I can drink all day long, but it doesn't leave me much room for a social life.
[SFX - The door opens and closes, as Cas celebrates another win.]
CAS: Helina, over here! We're playing a game of quarters. Care to face me?
HELINA: I'm not looking to buy you any more rounds, Cas. You can only pretend you're bad so many times before I catch on.
CAS: Hey, but it was worth a shot, right?
[SFX - Helina approaches the bar, Gertie immediately pours her a beer and sets it down.]
HELINA: Oh, Gertie, you know your way to a girl's heart.
GERT: Don't get any funny ideas, I know you people from the Western Reaches are all about free love, but I prefer a man in my bed at the end of the day.
HELINA: (blowing a kiss) Sure, honey. That's only because you don't know any better.
GERT: That may be so. Hey, did ya sell a whole bunch of snake oil to those rich customers of yours today?
HELINA: You'd be surprised what a little bit of natural medicine can do for a person... especially when they don't know what it does.
GERT: (laughing) Oh, I wouldn't be that surprised.
HELINA: Hnh. Yeah, I suppose you're right... why, who do we have here, Gertie? This one's a looker.
ARGUS: (coughing) I'm... I’m… uh Argus.
GERT: Absolutely not, Helina. This one's the youngest of my nephews.
HELINA: The one that brought that disgusting sack of flesh the other night? I guess I was a little too sloppy to really get a good look at him... Argus, is it?
ARGUS: I was, I was… uh...
HELINA: Kid looks like he could use another drink.
GERT: Behave yourself. He's a little shy. He's never been quite the same since his parents passed.
HELINA: (sympathetic) Ech, that's something I can understand. Still, I think I could help take his mind off all that.
GERT: I swear to Wanda, Helina, if you think I won't throw you out you're dead wrong.
HELINA: (defensive) With conversation, you monster!
[MUSIC - “Prayer Hands” by Cherophobiac plays in the background of the next scene.]
[SFX - Kendall blows air on her hands and rubs them together, shivering.]
PAV: Cold, recruit?
KENDALL: It's a little chilly in here.
PAV: I wasn't expecting any visitors today. I run pretty hot most of the time.
KENDALL: If we're almost done here I'll just put some clothes back on...
PAV: Just one more moment, please.
[SFX - Kendall yelps and grunts as Pav continues to poke her with pins.]
KENDALL: Ouch, could you be a bit more careful with where you're poking those pins?
PAV: You're going to need to be tougher than that now that you're one of the Wolves.
KENDALL: (confident) Could sure kick your ass.
PAV: (chuckling) I wouldn't be so certain.
[SFX - A communicator rings again, but Pavlima silences it.]
KENDALL: You're not worried about who that was?
PAV: I've heard enough out of your boss for one day.
KENDALL: I believe it.
PAV: (speaking through a pin clenched between her teeth) So, Kendall, what'd they tell you when they brought you up here?
KENDALL: What do you mean?
PAV: Abandon your family down below for a swanky, new pad with windows you can actually see the sky out of?
KENDALL: (tense) Listen, I came here for a fitting, not to talk politics with my seamstress.
PAV: Oh, trust me, I'm not one to judge. I spent the first half of my life without ever seeing the sun.
KENDALL: There's nothing for me down on the ground. If I can make a better life for myself up here, then I don't see why I shouldn't.
[SFX - Pav lets out a sigh and sets something on the table.]
PAV: All set. Let me get those pins out for you.
KENDALL: (yelping again) How'd you know I'm a grounder?
PAV: (teeth still clenched) The diamond tattoo on your collar bone. I have one just like it.
KENDALL: You know Isaac?
PAV: Sure do. Since I was a little one.
KENDALL: Was he ever...
PAV: (laughing) No. Whatever you were about to say, the answer's no.
KENDALL: I thought so.
[SFX - Pavlima lets out a sigh and something falls to the floor.]
PAV: So, recruit, think I could take you out for a drink sometime? I'd like to hear more about your other tattoos.
KENDALL: (pausing) I'm not sure that would be appropriate...
PAV: (coy) I didn't ask you if you thought it would be appropriate or not. I asked if you'd like it if I took you out.
KENDALL: (pulling her pants on) I could do tomorrow evening, but only if you don't keep me out late.
PAV: I'll try my best.
[SFX - The two women chuckle. The song gets louder as it ends.]
[SFX - The din of the bar returns, quarters continues.]
CAS: Hahaha, not bad, little brother. You're getting better, but you ain't got me beat yet.
ARGUS: (burping) One of these days I'll win.
CAS: Hasn't happened yet.
ARGUS: There was that time with Chooky and Splat where I was able to...
CAS: Doesn't count.
ARGUS: What do you mean?
CAS: I was hammered that night. Doesn't count.
ARGUS: Poor sport.
CAS: Aw, don't get your tentacles in a twist, Arg. I'm only kidding. You're getting good.
[MUSIC - “The Judge of My Enemies” by Garbage Person plays in the background.]
CAS: Woo! I love this song!
ARGUS: (sighing) I know… Hey, Cas. Can I ask for your advice?
CAS: How many times have I told you I don't want to hear about you trying to sleep with someone.
ARGUS: (slurring) No, no, nononono, it’s not like that. Er, well, I mean, I guess kind of but seriously.
CAS: Alright, shoot.
ARGUS: (softly) Helina...
CAS: Oh, not this again.
ARGUS: No, but like, how can I even speak to her? Every time she's around I just shut down and get all awkward.
CAS: Shhh, okay. Since confidence is not your strong suit, my tried and true pick up lines are out of the question. Have you said anything to her at all?
ARGUS: No, I can barely remember my own name whenever she's around.
CAS: (claps Argus’ shoulder) I've got it! She's half in the bag right now. See that pouch on her belt?
ARGUS: Yeah, she's always got that.
CAS: I want you to walk by her, order me a new drink, and pocket it on your way back.
ARGUS: That seems like it'd do the opposite, Cas.
CAS: No, I'm serious. Think about it. You take it from her now, and the next time you see her tell her you found it on the ground after closing.
ARGUS: Oh, so she'd be happy I stole her things?
CAS: You idiot, no, you don't tell her you stole it. You just give it back to her. Swear, she'll melt like butter. She'll owe you after that.
ARGUS: (coughing and laughing) I'm not so sure about this...
CAS: Foolproof. I promise. Foolproof.
ARGUS: Alright... alright.
[SFX - Argus pushes his chair back. The song gets louder as he walks across the bar, as Helina and Gert’s conversation comes into the foreground.]
HELINA: Super super cheap, and I made the most vile smelling perfume.
GERT: Don’t bring it in here, please.
HELINA: Oh, no no no, I won’t, but I’m gonna charge 200 for it.
HELINA: And I guarantee someone up there’s gonna buy it. And I’m gonna have…
GERT: They’re a bunch of fools.
HELINA: Hook, line, and sinker.
[SFX - The music swells as Argus gets to the bar.]
GERT: Hey, kid, whaddya need?
ARGUS: Another round, Cas beat me in quarters again. This one's on me.
GERT: Sure thing, Argus.
HELINA: You've gotta stop playing with him, he's a ringer, I swear.
ARGUS: Uhh, yeah... for sure.
[SFX - Gertie places a beer on the counter in front of him.]
HELINA: Alright, Gertie. I've gotta wake up early tomorrow. We all settled?
GERT: Yeah, last one's on me, but bring me a bit more of that cream tomorrow, huh?
HELINA: You got it.
[SFX - Helina pushes her chair back and stands up.]
CAS: Sure you don't wanna stick around for another game, Helina?
HELINA: (getting further away) Not on your life, Cas! You're buying my drink next time, whether you like it or not.
[SFX - The door opens and closes and Cas laughs, as Argus walks back over to him.]
CAS: (clapping) I can't believe you had the stones to do that.
ARGUS: You told me it was a good idea!
CAS: I can't remember the last time you told me I had a good idea.
ARGUS: ...you have a point.
[SFX - Argus tosses the money pouch up and down as they laugh. The door opens again. Footsteps approach.]
CAS & ARGUS: Shaima!
SHAIMA: Hey, runts. Gert, pour me a beer, would ya?
GERT: Sure. Hey, how's the shop?
SHAIMA: (sighing) We're scraping by... I don't have any idea what we're going to do the next time the Wolves are down to collect taxes, though.
GERT: Shaima, let me give you a loan. Business isn't great here, but people always drink. I've got enough to cover you.
SHAIMA: You know Vernon. He's too proud for that, but I appreciate the offer.
GERT: I'm serious. You let me know the minute your answer changes.
SHAIMA: Thanks, Aunt Gert.
[SFX - The music and the sound of the bar fade as the scene ends.]
[SFX - Footsteps approach, a button is pressed, and an elevator door opens. The footsteps enter before the door closes again]
ELEVATOR RECORDING: Please stand in the middle of the lift, feet shoulder width apart, with your hands at your sides. Thank you. Now, please enter you name and destination on the keypad before you.
[SFX - A keypad is pressed several times as buttons beep.]
ELEVATOR RECORDING: The South Tower apartments, level 65. Fee waived. Have a safe trip, Helina.
[SFX - The elevator begins to move and Helina momentarily whistles to herself.]
[SFX - Helina rustles through her bag.]
HELINA: Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Oh, fuck where's my money gone?
[SFX - An announcement bell chimes.]
WANDA: Good night my sweet Proximans.
HELINA: (agitated) Wanda!
WANDA: And remember, the curfew bell chimes, as it will two more times, and when it strikes thrice, my wolves won’t be nice. Good night angels.
[MUSIC - Foreboding score begins and fades out to end the scene]
[MUSIC - The credits music plays.]
Windfall is a Rogue Dialogue Production. It was written and directed by Bob Raymonda and Christie Donato
Sound design, mix, and score by Adam Raymonda
This episode also featured the song “Prayer Hands” by Cherophobiac.
Here’s our cast in order of appearance:
Pavlina Horakova…CUSTOMER #1
Adam Raymonda…BAR PATRON
Jess Clark…WANDA JUNE
Sarah Brown…ELEVATOR RECORDING
Casting direction by Clare Lopez
Produced by Bob Raymonda, Christie Donato, Adam Raymonda, and Michael Paunovski.
Our cover art was designed by Sam Twardy.
Windfall is supported by our listeners on Patreon. By becoming a patron at patreon.com/windfallpodcast you can help us make the show. By doing so you’ll get some pretty cool rewards. You’ll be able to access behind-the-scenes content and attend monthly Q&As with our writers, cast, and crew. Speaking of which, we'll be doing our very first Q&A on March 27 at 8 p.m. EST, so if you want to join us, head over to www.patreon.com/windfallpodcast.
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Episode three of Windfall will be released in two weeks on March 13, 2019.
And listeners, don't forget to ask yourselves: What Would Wanda Do?